


Go 'Round The Roses

by kesdax



Category: Coronation Street
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-27
Updated: 2017-12-28
Packaged: 2019-02-22 14:43:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13169106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kesdax/pseuds/kesdax
Summary: The saddest thing in the whole wide world, seeing your girl with another...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [weytani](https://archiveofourown.org/users/weytani/gifts).



“I have to go.”

“Nooo,” Kate whined. “Don't.”

Lunchtime. Michelle's flat. Kate's day off but not Rana’s. Her days off were spent with Zee; family days out and working the food van. Not spent with Kate. Never with Kate.

“You know what my new boss is like,” said Rana. “She'll have a fit if I'm late back again.”

_ So let her. _

But Kate didn't need to say it for Rana to hear it. Not when Kate had already voiced her protests so many times before, trying to extend their stolen moments into something more real, something that would last forever.

It never did.

“I'll text you later.” It was a promise but they both knew it wasn't one Rana could keep. Not if Zee was home and needy, as he was most days now without a job. Just him and the van and Rana. That was his life. And here was Kate trying to take the best part of it away from him.

“Don't bother.” It came out more bitter than intended and Kate took Rana’s hand, squeezed it to soften the blow. “I said I’d cover Daniel’s shift if Michelle asks.”  _ Liar.  _ But Rana didn't notice. Kate was getting good at lying these days.

“Okay,” said Rana. “Tomorrow then.”

Kate nodded, but tomorrow didn't feel good either. And not the day after or the one after that.

“Kate…”

“You're gonna be late.” A brief kiss and Kate pushed Rana out the door. She caught the flash of a smile before she slammed it shut, the noise of it ringing eerily through Michelle and Robert’s empty flat.

*

Michelle asked her to work a double and Kate could hardly say no, not when the keys to the flat could be so easily taken away from her and her secret spilled for all the world to know.

“I know what you're doing.” Carla took a sip of her fourth cappuccino, sliding the paperwork she was “working" on a little way down the bar. Kate ignored her. “You're avoiding things. I used to do that. We must get it from Johnny.”

“I'm not avoiding anything,” Kate said huffily. “I'm trying to work, but  _ someone _ keeps getting in the way. I thought the little sister was supposed to be the annoying one.”

Carla shot her a look: unoffended and unimpressed. “Well I would go back to work but Aiden’s in a mood.  _ That _ you both get from your mother's side.”

Kate slammed the glass she was supposed to be filling with beer on the bartop. It smashed in a sparkle of shards, like raindrops on a stormy day. “Shit.” Blood welled, red and hot from a slice on her finger. She hissed as the pain finally registered in her brain, felt a swell of nausea in her gut.

“Now look what you've done,” said Carla. Instead of showing concern, she sipped her coffee and hid her smirk behind the mug. “That looks nasty. Trip to the medical centre might be in order.”

Kate glared. “Shut up.”

“I'm only saying,” said Carla innocently.

Kate stormed off into the kitchen, the door swinging violently back and forth behind her.

Quickly cleaned the cut; focused on the sting of it. It seemed to make everything around her sharper for a moment, like this whole time the lights had been off and only now someone thought to turn them on.

_ What am I doing? _

But she couldn't answer that. Not truthly. Not when the truth would only lead to more pain.

So Kate hastily wrapped her finger in a plaster before Michelle could catch her and lecture her about being more careful and stomped her way back to the bar.

Carla was gone. The only evidence that she had been there was the empty coffee cup and the twenty pound note to cover her bill. Kate put the money in the till and started to clear away the broken glass and dirty mug. Best to keep busy. Best not to wish for  _ her _ to walk through that door with a smile on her face and for once a promise she could keep.

Something slid to the floor at her feet and the cup rattled in its saucer as Kate bent to pick it up. She recognised Carla’s curly handwriting, scrawled hastily on a napkin in black biro. Kate smiled at the note.

_ You know where I am - C. x _

*

The Rovers was heaving with Underworld employees. Kate squeezed her way past Kirk and Beth, arguing about something unimportant in the doorway, and slid up next to her brother at the bar.

“Sorry I'm late.”

Aiden just shrugged. “‘S alright. Carla’s not here yet. Think she wants to make an entrance. Or she's getting dolled up for someone.”

Kate glanced around the bar. The usual crowd of regulars (which included most of Underworld’s recently re-appointed staff anyway). She couldn't imagine Carla being interested in any of the blokes around here. Not that she was a very good judge.

“Maybe she just wants to get away from  _ you.” _

“Charming.” Aiden took a sip of his beer and gestured at Sean behind the bar to get one for Kate. “Do you ever wonder… Her and Roy. They  _ are  _ weirdly close.” He tried to waggle his eyebrows suggestively, but didn't have the muscles for it and ended up just looking like he was frowning with constipation.

Kate smacked him upside the head. “Don't be gross.”

“Ow.” He had that pout on his face that Kate had seen so many times when they were kids. It was never as good as Kate's and Dad never once fell for it. “For that you can buy your own drink.”

He disappeared off through the crowd in a huff, heading towards the booth in the corner where Alya and Luke were cosily shacked up.

Kate turned back to the bar and wished Sean would hurry up with her drink. The noise of the crowd, the cheesy 80s pop song coming from the jukebox, turned into a buzzing in her ears. She felt like she was trapped in a bubble. Just her and no one could break through. And she couldn't get out. Didn't even want to try.

Even through the din of music and talking and laughter she heard the door of the Rovers open. Something stilled within her; her heart skipping its beat and her skin began to tingle. She knew who it was without looking. She could always sense her, like they were connected by some sort of hormonal radar that only they could detect. 

Kate glanced over her shoulder. Rana. With Zee.  _ Of course. _

“I'll get the drinks,” Rana muttered and her voice was like silk to Kate's ears.

Zeedan smiled at her as he past, following her brother to the booth at the back. Her own smile was more of a cringe and she wondered if he'd noticed. If once again she was playing him the fool.

Rana slid up beside her, close but not obvious. The heat of her made Kate's throat dry with longing. She wanted to feel that heat for more than just a few brief moments. Wanted it to comfort her at night.

“What happened?”

Her hand was suddenly in Rana’s. All concern, in nurse mode as she examined Kate's wound like she had x-ray vision and could see through the plaster.

“It's nothing.” Kate shrugged. “Occupational hazard.”

Rana’s hand lingered and Kate took a chance, forgetting where they were and who the were. Forgetting who could be watching. She entwined their fingers together. Her skin looked pale next to Rana’s. But it felt good. It felt  _ right. _

Except it wasn't. And when Rana hastily pulled her hand away she knew it could never be.

A beer plodded down in front of Kate. “What can I get you?”

Rana flinched as Sean stared at her expectantly. But it didn't look like he had noticed anything, not with his nose for gossip.  She couldn't imagine Sean ever being subtle. They were safe. They had got away with it, but the apology still burned on Kate's lips as she felt Rana scowl at her with her entire body.

“Glass of orange and a white wine for me.”

“I'll bring them over,” said Sean, nodding towards the booth where Zeedan was sitting with his sister and her boyfriend. Aiden had disappeared. “Hubby looks like he needs the company.”

_ Hubby. _

Kate stiffened. Could feel Rana glance at her.

Hubby. Husband. Zeedan. _ What I am doing? _

Abruptly, Kate pushed herself away from the bar, muttering about not being thirsty and making a quick exit before Rana could say another word.

*

She was starving and there was no food. A fact she didn't discover until she had already gotten back to the flat, moodily searched through an empty fridge and bare cupboards.

Back out in the cold. Craving a kebab, maybe some chips, but she was still skint from Christmas and her next wage wasn't for another two weeks. Then there was still the rent to pay. So Dev’s it was.

She trudged across the icy street, shoulders hunched against the cold. At least it wasn't snowing. Not yet. But it still felt like her feet were about to slip out from beneath her and the last thing she needed was a broken arm and a bruised bum. Ended up shuffling down the street like she had wet herself.

Dev had mercifully salted the front of the shop and it was good to get her feet on solid, steady ground again.

Then she heard  _ her _ voice and her stomach lurched like she had fallen anyway.

“I'll just be a mo’.” Zeedan disappeared into the shop, leaving Kate and Rana staring at each other awkwardly.

Kate was no longer hungry; her appetite disappearing along with her stomach. She felt sick and cold, frozen in place when all she wanted to do was run.

“Kate, are you okay?”

_ Yes. _

But she couldn't face another lie and a shrug was about all she could manage.

“So, what's this? Cosy night in with the  _ hubby?” _

Rana flinched. “Kate-"

Kate didn't let her say anymore, just grabbed the front of Rana’s jacket, pulling her close, crashing their lips together like a road trip gone wrong, nothing but stalled engines and shattered glass, bent metal and broken bones.

A shove and Kate stumbled back.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Rana wiped a hand across her lips as if that would erase what Kate had just done, glanced up and down the street like a frantic parent searching for their missing kid.

But the street was empty. Not that Kate would have cared if it wasn't. Who cared who saw? She didn't. Not anymore.

“Kissing my girlfriend,” Kate snapped before she could stop herself. “The woman I love. And I'm not gonna apologise for it. Not anymore.”

It sounded like an ultimatum. And maybe it was. Kate just didn't know anymore.

Anger, then fear, quickly flashed across Rana’s face. Eyes darting towards the shop, but still no sign of Zeedan. “Kate, I-"

_ I can't.  _

“I know,” said Kate, shaking her head. “I can't either.”

Now the fear didn't just flash; it stayed on Rana’s face, made her full lips turn downward, her eyes widen. Under the make up, Kate wondered if her skin had paled.

Kate shook her head again before Rana could say anything. “I'm going home.”

*

But she didn't go home.

Her fist hammered against the door, making enough noise to wake up half the street. A muffled “alright, alright” came from within and the door finally opened.

“I need to get  _ very _ drunk,” said Kate.

Carla raised an eyebrow. “Better come in then.”

She led Kate through into Roy's living room. The decor didn't do much for Kate and she suspected it wasn't Carla’s thing either. There was a faint whiff of bacon and burnt toast from the cafe below and Kate's stomach growled, reminding her of its hunger. But she ignored it for now. Something strong and liquid was what she was craving now. 

“Think Roy’s got some brandy around here somewhere.” She rummaged in a cupboard and pulled out a half empty bottle, a triumphant smile on her face. “Aa _ ha.” _

Kate said nothing as she watched Carla pour for her, hand over the glass. Then Kate downed it in one.

The alcohol burned its way down her throat, making her choke.

“Blimey,” said Carla, “you  _ have _ had a rough day.”

In response, Kate just held her glass out for more. This one she sipped slowly as the first one churned in her empty stomach. She sat on Roy’s lumpy couch as her sister screwed the lid back on the brandy and deposited the bottle safely on the floor.

“You gonna tell me what happened, or do I have to guess?”

For a moment, Kate thought Carla was going to keep looming over her until she got an answer. Instead, she sat on the sofa next to Kate, a patient look, a hand on Kate's knee in a gesture of comfort.

Kate suddenly wanted a hug. Wanted to cry. But she forced the tears back and looked at Carla.

“Thought you were meeting Aiden and that for Underworld’s grand reopening party?”

Carla shrugged and looked away. “Didn't fancy it. Besides… wouldn't wanna steal all of Aiden’s glory.”

Kate didn't believe that for a second. She may not have know Carla was her sister for very long, but winding Aiden up was a trait they both shared.

“How come your on the wagon?” asked Kate, shaking her brandy in Carla’s face. “People are talking.”

“None of your business,” Carla said sharply. Then, gentler: “Lemme have my secrets. Big sister's perogative.”

Kate rolled her eyes and swallowed down some more brandy.

A clock ticked in the corner and shadows seemed to fill the room. Roy’s place wasn't exactly welcoming. Or maybe everywhere was just gloom and doom to her now.

“Am I to presume this is about Rana?”

Kate said nothing, she didn't have to. It was obvious what this was about. Obvious to everyone who knew. She swallowed the rest of the brandy and then she couldn't hold it back any more.

A sob escaped her lips, tears spilled from her eyes. It felt like her whole world was unraveling, that she was falling down, down, down.

Then Carla’s arms wrapped around her, held her tight, kept her up and out of that dark hole.

“Shh, it's okay.”

But it wasn't okay. Hadn't been for a long time.

She cried for so long, she wasn't sure what she was even crying about anymore. If it was about Rana, or that hollow feeling in her heart she always got this time of year, another year without her mum. Or maybe it was just her shitty life in general.

Carla let her cry, let the tears and snot and anguish cover her shoulder. Never letting go, never once loosening her grip.

When Kate was finally done, when calm seemed to have descended upon her once again, Carla let her go and awkwardly asked, “You want a cuppa or somethin’?”

Kate snorted. She couldn't help it. And quickly the laughter took over as if the tears had never been.

“What?” said Carla going from confused amusement to annoyance. “Why do I feel like you're making fun of me?”

“It's just… You remind me of Dad.” She gasped in a breath, managed to keep the laughter under control but couldn't quite wipe one last smile off her face. “He had that same startled look when I first got my period. And the day I came out and brought my first girlfriend home.”

“Well…” said Carla with a huff of breath. But she didn't look annoyed. In fact, she looked pleased. It was taking a while, but she was slowly becoming used to the idea of Johnny being her dad, of being part of this little family. “So… You gonna tell me what happened with Rana?”

All the amusement vanished.

“I think I ended it,” Kate mumbled, staring at her feet. She could still see the look on Rana’s face. The fear. But what was she afraid of? Losing Kate? Or telling Zeedan the truth?

“You think?”

Kate shrugged. “I just can't do it anymore. The lying, the sneaking around… I just want to be able to kiss her in the street, hold her hand, be with her… But I can't.”

“So what you gonna do?”

Another shrug.

“What do you  _ want _ to do?” asked Carla.

Silence. Nothing but the ticking clock. But Kate knew the answer, knew what she wanted more than anything.

“Tell Zeedan the truth. But she'd never forgive me. So I've been waiting. For the right time. For her to tell him.”

Carla let out a sigh, shifted uncomfortably on the sofa.

“What?”

Carla hesitated. “I don't think you're gonna want to hear what I have to say.”

“Just say it,” said Kate. “You're supposed to give me wise advice. Big sister's prerogative.”

Carla smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. “All this time, you've been letting her call the shots. And it's making you miserable.”

“I'm not-"

“Let me finish,” said Carla. She certainly had the stern big sister thing down. “I know you love her, but maybe… It's time to put yourself first.”

“What do you mean?”

“I think… It's time to let her go.”


	2. Chapter 2

_ I can't either. _

Rana shook her head, swallowed back tears.

_ I'm sorry. I just need a little more time. I'll do it soon, I promise. _

All the things she wanted to say, but didn't. Not that it would have made a difference. She had already made the same excuses before, wasn't hard to see that Kate had given up believing in them.

_ Idiot. _

_ Liar, cheater. _

Couldn't have just made her choice when she had the chance. Had to go and make things worse by marrying Zee when she knew she had doubts, when she knew she was in love with someone else.

But she was scared. Scared of being alone. Scared of losing everything.

Three months later and she had lost everything anyway. Lost Kate.

The tears fought their way to the surface again. Rana slammed the door shut behind her, the letterbox rattling, the glass protesting. The house was dark. It was always dark when she finished work these days. Dark and empty, all the light snuffed out. And it was cold. And she was starving.

_ Where the fuck is Zee? _

Sits about the house all day moping about losing his job but can't even be bothered to have her tea ready after she trudged home from a busy shift.

_ Not fair. _ But Rana didn't care. She channeled the tears into anger, pulled off her jacket and chucked it on the sofa. Fine, she'd make her own tea.

The kitchen was a mess. Dishes in the sink. Bin overflowing. Half drunk mugs of tea just lying about. Yasmin goes to visit a friend for a few days and Zee decides he's a lazy fourteen year old again.

So not what she signed up for when they first had their  _ nikah _ .

_ Not fair not fair not fair.  _ None of this was his fault, but Rana found it so easy to put all the blame on Zee, to take her foul mood out on him because she couldn't be with Kate. And she couldn't be with Kate because she was with him.

And she couldn't leave him because…  _ because what? _

Because Kate had already left her. She'd lost her chance. Let love slip away from her and now all she was left with was a broken heart and a marriage she didn't believe in, a relationship she couldn't force anymore.

She turned on the tap and the water squirted out in a hot stream, bouncing over the dirty dishes and onto the work surface, the floor. Poured Fairy Liquid over the whole lot until the bubbles were overflowing.  _ Fairy Liquid.  _ She shook her head. Zee out of work, her taking on extra shifts, scrimping and saving for his stupid cafe and he goes out and buys proper brand stuff.

She slammed a frying pan onto the drainer and reached for the pot that still had the remains of pasta sauce from two nights ago. Scrubbed until her arm hurt, until her fingers felt raw and ready to bleed. She heard the lock of the front door, the squeaky hinges Zee kept promising to fix but never got round to. Then he was behind her, arms around her waist before she could stop him. Rana stiffened.

“I was gonna do that.”

“Yeah, well. You didn't.” Rana elbowed him away and the pot joined the frying pan on the drainer with a clang.

He stood behind her, just out of reach. She could feel him watching her, studying her.  _ Does he know?  _

_ Of course he doesn't. He's too damn trusting, too good. _ Even after his grandad’s betrayal, he still can't see the adultery going on right under his nose.

Rana couldn't look at him. 

“Where were you?”

A weary sigh. So he could tell she was angry. “Out in the van. Down at the retail park. Thought I could catch some hungry shoppers in the sales.”

“And? Did you?” Rana sunk a plate covered in dried and congealed bean sauce into the water. A gourmet chef, but here Zee was living off beans and toast.

“People are skint after Christmas, ain't they.” She could hear the shrug in his voice and dropped the almost clean plate back into the sink. Soapy water sloshed up the sides, soaking the front of her creased nurse's uniform.

Rana swung around to face him. “So all that food’s just going to waste? All that money lost?”

“Hey, it's not that bad,” Zeedan protested. He reached out to her. Trapped between him and the sink, Rana had nowhere to go. His touch almost made her shudder. “The food’ll still be good for another few days and I'll try again tomorrow.”

Rana shook her head, bit her lip to hold back the scathing words on the tip of her tongue.  _ Not fair. Not his fault, _ she had to keep reminding herself.

She let him soothe her with his hands, rubbing up and down her arms as he rambled on. But his touch wasn't comforting and she wasn't sure it ever had been.

“The sooner we pull enough money for my own caf’ together, the better. And what if we get pregnant? We need the money.”

Rana stiffened, tuning back into the conversation.  _ “What? _ Are you joking? We can't afford a baby with you out of work.”

She didn't even  _ want _ a baby. A ridiculous pipe dream when she was trying to convince herself she still loved him.

He squeezed her arms and Rana shrugged out of his grip. “How can you be so  _ stupid?” _

“Rana!”

_ Not his fault not his fault not his fault. _

“This is _so_ _not_ the right time.”

“Yeah, but that's life, innit? There's never going to be a right time.”

Rana wanted to laugh, sob. Scream and hit something.

_ There's never going to be a right time. _

And that was the problem, wasn’t it? There had never been a right time to tell him about Kate and now there was never going to be.

_ I can't either. _

“Where you going?”

“Out,” Rana snapped, snatching her jacket up into her arms and slamming the door shut behind her.

*

Her feet led her out the house and down the street. She blinked and there she was, heading for the Bistro on automatic. Her instincts leading her to Kate. But Kate wanted nothing to do with her.

So she stood frozen in the middle of the road, the wind whipping around her, tugging at her messily pulled back hair.

Where could she go? Not many mates around here. Any she did have she'd shied away from since the thing with Kate started. There was Ayla… but being around her was just as hard as being around Zeedan. And it wasn't like she could tell Alya what was really going on. The truth would make her hate her.

The pub? Too many people there she knew. Too many people she didn't want to face. Bus into town then, slip into the anonymity of the crowd.

Decision made, she realised she had left her bag back at the house. No money, no bus.  _ Shit. _

Back to being frozen on the spot, watching the doors to the Bistro opening. Flash of brown hair…  _ Oh God. _

Rana’s empty stomach lurched, felt like butterflies were riding roller coasters in there. But it wasn't Kate. Same brown hair, same cheekbones… Carla.

The anger resurfaced, making itself known. Maybe she couldn't take it out on Zee, but Carla? Carla was fair game.

Her sensible, comfortable shoes barely made a sound as she stomped towards the Bistro. Carla didn't notice her until she was about a meter away. Rana saw the flicker of surprise, then the straightening of her shoulders.

“Alright, Rana? You and Zee have a fight or summit?” Her look was far too smug, far too knowing.

_ She knows. _

How many people was that now? Didn't matter, not anymore.

“Everything was fine until you came back,” Rana blurted.

A raised eyebrow. “I'm assuming this is about Kate?”

“You ruined everything. You interfered, didn't you?”

“I didn't do anything. Kate made her own choice.” Carla glanced around them, lowered her voice. “You sure you want to be having this conversation on the street? Come on, I'll buy you a drink.”

She gestured towards the Bistro, but Rana didn't move, terrified of what she would find inside.

“Don't worry,” said Carla. “She's not in there. I convinced her go out with Sophie for the day.”

That familiar burning hot jealousy rose within her until she thought she was going to explode. It must have shown on her face. If Imogen could spot it, it wasn't surprising Carla could too.

“As  _ mates. _ She needs one right now.”

Rana said nothing. The fire died down a bit, just enough for her to follow Carla inside, let her lead them to a table at the back. Bit early for the dinner crowd, not many tables taken and no one she knew. Thankfully.

She sat down, too tense to take her jacket off and watched as Carla made herself comfortable.

“What you back for?” Michelle weaved between the tables, putting out fresh cutlery.

“Just buying a friend a drink,” said Carla, her eyes never leaving Rana.

She looked away, caught the look on Michelle’s face and cringed. Was she always this obvious? How had she and Kate managed to keep it a secret for so long?

But they hadn't, had they? The list of people who had found out was getting as long as her arm. Soon, everyone's name was gonna be on there apart from Zee.

“I'll have another coffee. Best get her a large white?” Carla nudged her arm to get her attention and Rana just shrugged.

“Won't be long,” said Michelle, looking like she couldn't get away fast enough.

“So,” Carla began, leaning back in her chair and folding her arms tightly across her chest. “You done blaming me for all your problems or was there more?”

Rana clenched her jaw and said nothing. Her eyes kept darting towards the door, expecting Kate to walk in.

But she never did.

Michelle returned with the drinks, made a swift exit again and still Rana kept quiet.

Carla sipped her coffee and sighed. “She was miserable. All the lying… it was destroying her.”

“It hasn't exactly been easy for me either.” Too defensive, too on edge. Carla wasn't impressed, ignoring Rana’s outburst.

“I thought if she got some distance, if she moved on… but she's still bloody miserable.”

“So it  _ is _ your fault.” Rana took an angry swig of wine. It was good stuff, but she could barely taste it.

“I told you,” said Carla, “it was Kate’s choice.”

“But you pushed her into it.”

“No,” Carla said firmly.  _ “You _ did.”

Rana’s fist clenched around the stem of the glass, knuckles going white. She had more protests on her tongue. More lies.

She said nothing. Instead she just nodded.

_ Her fault her fault her fault. _

“I never meant-"

_ To break her heart. _

Carla sighed. “But you did.”

“I know.” Carla’s face became a blur and the tears fell silently before she could stop them. “I made the wrong choice, that day.” The day she got married. The day when the lies truly began to ingrain themselves in her being. “I shouldn't have married him.”

A tissue appeared in front of her face. Rana took it, smiling sadly in thanks.

“Take Kate out of the equation for the moment.” Carla spoke softly, hands wrapped around her coffee but not drinking it. “Do you want to be with Zee?”

_ I don’t know.  _

More lies. Always more lies.

A shaky breath. “No.”

“Then, once again,” said Carla, pulling her coat on as she got up to leave, “the ball’s in your court.”

Rana said nothing, didn't move.  _ No. _ One word, but it changed everything.

“She misses you.”

Rana looked up sharply, seeing the conflict on a sister's face, a sister who knew she was betraying her sibling’s trust.

“Yeah?”

Carla sighed and shook her head. “Just don't hurt her anymore than you already have.”

“I won't.” A promise. Not vague and dependent upon circumstances, but full of heart. Full of the truth for once.

“Good.”

*

The house was empty and she was glad she had some time alone with her thoughts. Some time to think about what she was going to say.  _ How _ she was going to say it.

Zee had finished the dishes, she noticed, tidied up a bit. Her heart ached. For him, for Kate. There wasn't enough of it left for herself.

She sat on the sofa in the dark, waiting for Zee to come home. She thought the wait would make it worse, make her sick. But now the decision had been made she felt calm. Now she just wanted it over with.

Minutes later, an hour - it didn't matter - she heard the chink of a key in the lock. The squeak of the hinges, the letterbox flapping. Then there was Zee. He looked tired, she thought.  _ I did this to him. _

“Where’ve you been?”

“Out looking for you.” He sat on the arm of the chair, like he knew it was best to keep his distance for now. “Look, I'm sorry about before. You were right, I shouldn’t-"

“Zee.”

He stilled. Looked at her. Saw the tears and his first instinct was to reach out to her. Rana shook her head, stilling his hand.

“I need to tell you something.”

“Okay,” he said slowly. “Whatever it is, we can-”

“You're not like other blokes,” said Rana.  _ Zeedan’s a good man.  _ The best, she was starting to realise. “I wish I wasn't like other girls.”

He just looked confused, trusting. She ploughed on. 

“You knew. From the very beginning, you knew.” Rana sniffed back tears, remembering those early days in Weatherfield. The flirting, the chase. They'd had such a rough start and she had been so determined. Not because she had loved him, she knew now. She’d fancied him, yeah, but it was the challenge that had kept her interested. Then his family… so unlike hers, so supportive. Yasmin was never going to judge her for falling in love with another woman. But cheating on her grandson…

That was another matter entirety.

“Rana, I don't…” Don't understand, don't want to know. Want to keep pretending for just a little bit longer. But they couldn't.  _ She  _ couldn’t.

“I'm leaving you, Zee.” Blunt, but no way to gentle the blow. She had been searching for a way for months now and hadn't found it yet.

Zee swallowed. The muscles in his jaw rippled as he clenched his teeth. Not confused anymore, but angry. Hurt. “Who is he?”

Rana shook her head. “She.”

And Zeedan’s eyes widened in understanding.

“Kate.”

She nodded, cried. “I'm so sorry.”

Then there was nothing more to say. Anything more would make things worse. She could apologise a thousand times but his heart would still be broken, she would still have betrayed him.

“I'll pick up my stuff tomorrow or… whenever.” She swallowed back more tears. She had no right to cry, not in front of him.

He didn't respond. Didn't move.

“Zee…” She said softly, a hand reaching out to comfort him. The muscles of his arm felt hard and tense under her palm and the gesture gave him no comfort, left them both feeling cold. The urge to kiss him on the top of the head, wrap her arms around him until she knew he was going to be okay. But it wasn't her place anymore. It never had been.

“I'm sorry.”

*

The cold air was a slap in the face, drying the tears on her cheeks. She must look a state. Didn't really care.

At least she had remembered her bag this time. Not that she had any further options of where to go. She still had a job to go to in the morning, so couldn't exactly leave town. But people were going to find out soon, and whatever friends she might have had left on the street, she soon wouldn't. Zee was a good man. And she was just the slapper of a wife who had cheated behind his back. With a  _ woman. _

Rana groaned. Not the juiciest gossip this street had ever had, but it was up there, she was sure.

But she couldn't think about that now. She needed to find somewhere to sleep tonight. Somewhere quiet where she could cry her eyes out in peace.

Her feet wandered along the cobbles, slippery from a light drizzle of rain. A taxi past her, slowing down in front of the pub. A cheer, and a group of lads bundled out the door in a drunken heap, clambering to be the first into the warmth of the taxi.

_ The Rovers. _ Recently turned B&B. She could maybe just afford it for a few nights and it was close to work. And besides, she had nowhere else to go.

Fairly busy for a weekday night. Rana kept her head down as she weaved her way to the bar, hoping desperately that she wouldn't run into Alya. It felt like every eye was on her, but when she looked up, no one was paying any attention to her. Just Sean behind the bar as he came over to serve.

“Is Toyah or Peter around?”

He blinked in surprise, nodded. “They're through the back. Just be a tick.”

She thanked him hastily before he could disappear. Turned around to survey the pub, felt her heart lodge in her throat, stopping her breath.

Kate.

With Sophie. The burning fire of jealousy softened to a tickling glow in her gut.  _ Just mates.  _ Sophie looked more uncomfortable than guilty at the sight of her.

“I'm going home,” said Kate abruptly. She was looking at Sophie, but her words were all for Rana.

“Wait,” said Rana. She reached out a hand and it hung in the air, unsure what to do. Kate watched her, tired and sad.  _ Another thing I caused. _

_ Don't hurt her anymore than you already have. _

_ I won't.  _

“Can I… Can I take your hand?” asked Rana. “Walk you home?”

A moment of nothing. A moment that lasted a lifetime as she watched Kate's face take that in. Watched as understanding brighted her eyes, pulled a smile onto her lips. Her hand reached out for Rana’s, stalled. A glance at Sophie.

Sophie rolled her eyes. “I'll walk myself home.  _ Go.” _

Then Kate’s hand was in hers and Rana helped her out of her seat, held on tight as the made their way to the door.

Behind the bar, Sean had returned. He winked at her as they past and Rana wondered if he knew, how he had sniffed it out. That day when Kate had cut her finger? Or before then? The numerous times Kate had snuck in to see her at work?

She found she wasn't as frightened by this thought as she had been before. People were going to find out soon enough. Best to just rip it off, quick like a plaster. She smiled back at Sean, knowing she had at least one ally there. Maybe he’d be the only one, but it didn't matter.

Outside, with Kate’s hand in hers, it didn't feel as cold as before. They walked in the direction of Kate's flat, their steps lazy and slow.

“You told him then?”

Rana’s stomach clenched.  _ I'm leaving you. _ The look on Zee’s face… she wasn't going to forget that in a hurry.

She nodded.

“Was it awful?”

The worst thing she had ever had to do. The hardest thing.

“It was worth it.”

“Yeah?” That spark of hope in Kate’s eyes.

Rana squeezed her hand, tugged her close until Kate was pressed up against her. “Yeah,” she said and this time she didn't hesitate to kiss Kate out on the street, didn't care who saw.

She had made her choice and she knew it was the right one.


End file.
